Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Actions speak louder than pants.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
