Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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