I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so let's talk penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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