dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The uberlube is also flammable
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
