At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
