Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
did i walk over a car last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
