I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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