I just saw a hot homeless man
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
