I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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