I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
