Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
