I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
