Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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