Princesses don't give blow jobs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
