bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
