just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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