did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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