is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
