I wish I could teleport
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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