watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
