it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
