at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Panties = found
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
