Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
