yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
