even my farts smell like vagina
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That accounts for only three of the penises
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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