i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
