life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just puked most of my soul out..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
