I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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