my shit smells like andre
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
