So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
