I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
