Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
