Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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