remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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