A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
