i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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