we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So many bounce houses so little time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
