I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
