so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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