I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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