dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
