Don't make out with my wife yet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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