I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
