I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
