'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
