So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
