just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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