drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He better not be in your backpack
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
