saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't notice because vodka
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
