Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
