Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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