I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
