ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
