woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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