DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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