Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
